Poison
by c l e o. tron
Summary: When Arthur told Merlin that he no longer required his services, he thought the pain in his heart would disappear. But did he really escape the hurt or did he make it grow instead?
1. Extracting the Venom

A/N; I decided to write something different this time so it might sound a bit funny. I hope you'll like it, though! I'm a bit unsure whether I should continue this so opinions would help a lot! Thank you to all the lovely people who took the time to read my other fics and review them. I really appreciate it! n__n

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"I can't take it anymore. That person. The one who haunts my mind and refuses to go. Every morning, every day – all I hear is their voice, all I feel is their touch, all I see is them. And all I want is _him_. How can it be that he is all I think about? I can't take it anymore. Wanting something I cannot have. The desire that I feel, the need that comes to mind every time he is near is destroying me slowly. The pain in my heart hurts too much and everyday I am with him, my yearning grows far more than I could ever handle. I need to escape. This dream I have created in my mind; I must break away before it is too late. Break away from him. He will be my death one day; my poison. So before that day, I must extract the venom he has created in my veins, in my head and in my heart. Before it is too late."

Colours of pink, orange and dark crimson covered the sky. The birds had retreated back to their nests but the fireflies were just emerging. It was crisp and light and the air was scented with newly bloomed flowers. The castle basked in the warmth of the sun and the trees swayed with the light wind. The laughter of the children could be heard in the streets as they headed back home. It was truly beautiful, truly serene.

"Arthur?" Merlin called, his voice trembled with worry. "What's wrong? You called me all of a sudden." Merlin closed the doors behind him and stepped into Arthur's chamber. Merlin didn't take his eyes off the silhouette that sat on the window ledge. The sun was slowly dipping below the horizon, waiting for night to fall and the moon and stars to grace the sky; the faint light casting a glow on Arthur's face. Arthur's eyes were fixed on the scenery that lay before him. Right now, he didn't have the strength to look at him. At Merlin.

Arthur took a deep breath, getting ready to say what he had practised that day. "Merlin, I...I no longer require your services anymore. That is all." Arthur's hand waved in the air; a gesture for Merlin to leave – but he was fixed to his spot. Confusion and shock filled his whole face.

"No longer require my services? What does that mean? What are you saying?" nervous pants escaped from Merlin. There was no way he would believe it. Never.

"It means you're fired, get it?" Arthur responded, his voice fierce and ready to strike.

"Why...why so sudden? You never told anything to me before. I thought we were getting a long. Why now?" Merlin asked, his whole body shaking.

"It's because we're getting along that I need you to leave. We're getting...getting too close, Merlin. Now go." Arthur's voice was cold and demanding, not like before. He was speaking to Merlin as a servant, not a friend.

Merlin shook his head. "No! Why? Why are you firing me? What did I do? I have done nothing but serve you Arthur!" Disbelief filled Merlin's head at Arthur's words. There was no way. It couldn't be. Arthur didn't say anything. Instead, he let silence drift in the air and tried to fill his head with different thoughts. "Answer me Arthur! If you were to fire me, I have a right to know why!" Merlin shouted, eyes wide and face a light pink.

"Because!" Arthur yelled far louder than he would have expected. "Because...I...I can't face it anymore. I can't take it anymore. I need you to leave."

Merlin's face scrunched up with puzzlement. "Face what? What ever it is, we can face it together, Ar-"

"No, we can't!" Arthur turned his head to face Merlin and stopped when he realised what he had done. A bead of tear started to form near Merlin's eye, waiting to explode from its cage. "Merlin...I...Just. Just go now. That's an order." Merlin still didn't move. He didn't budge from his position. "So, instead of fighting whatever you can't face, you intend to run away from it instead? That's not like you, Arthur."

Arthur had lost patience with Merlin. He needed to leave. "Get out now Merlin! I've made my decision. You won't be able to change that. Just deal with it."

"At least tell me why. I want to know." a soft voice called.

Arthur didn't want to let go. He felt like he was drowning and Merlin was the one who was holding on to him, saving him – but he knew better, he knew what was real. Arthur just wanted to get out of this dream he had created. This...this facade. "You're my poison, Merlin." Arthur replied simply. Merlin could feel hurt and pain in those words.

"What? No! I am not your poison Arthur. I am anything but that. You should know that by now." Merlin's voice was gentle and flowed like the calm sea as he walked closer to Arthur.

Arthur scoffed. "No? Then if you're not my poison, what are you? What is this pain that grows in my heart, the ache that won't go away, the misery that flows through my veins? If it is not poison, then what is it?" Arthur asked, eyes still on the land that lay before him, the image that was just outside his window.

"It is you." Merlin's voice was far quieter, far more calm than before.

Arthur's head perked up in shock. "What?" Why would he cause himself pain? It made no sense.

A fake smile fell on Merlin's face as a single tear began to escape from its hold. "It is not me. It is you. Because you can't except your feelings, because you can't listen to what truly lies in your heart, pain and hurt have grown in its replacement. It is not poison, it is you. I am not your misery or ache. I am not your poison. I am your antidote, Arthur." Merlin whispered. Arthur didn't move, didn't twitch. He didn't respond. His eyes did not move from their position. Merlin realised it was his time to leave. He had said more than what was necessary. If Arthur truly wanted to let go, then Merlin would go. A soft creak flowed softly in the room and was followed by the gentle closing of the doors. Arthur breathed in the cold air and rested his forehead in his palms. Had he made a mistake? No, he couldn't have. He had made the right decision. This dream needed to end before he was sucked up in it completely. This venom needed to be extracted before it took control entirely. It was the right decision. Even if the pain still remained. Even if the ache had grown stronger. Even if...even if it meant losing Merlin. Yes, it was time to let go. Time to move on and escape this agony. This _poison_.


	2. Healing the Wounds

A/N; Thank you for all your reviews for 'Poison'. I felt like discontinuing it, but I didn't thanks to you guys! Special thanks to Kironomi for taking the time to read all my fics and reviewing them. ;D

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"Poison? No, it isn't poison. It couldn't be. How can it be toxic when it fills my heart with joy? How can it be harmful when his smile is my world? When his touch is my source of life? It is impossible that this feeling is the source of pain that grasps at _his_ heart. No. This isn't poison. I am not the poison. This is love. A love that I know will last forever – if it is ever acknowledged. This is no dream, no fake world that drifts in my mind. This is real and true and I know that for a fact, even if he doesn't. But...but I will wait. Wait for that blind man to see, for that deaf man to hear. For I cannot force his heart and his mind into something that he cannot yet except. I cannot extract that venom that he rants about every day when it is not really there. So I will wait. Wait for that time to come when he realises that his poison is actually his love. Wait for that moment for him to open his eyes and see what is right in front of him. And wait for that moment when he will open his heart to me and for me."

"Merlin?" Gaius called when he heard a loud creak at his door. Gaius was far too intrigued about his books and alchemy to have turned his head in Merlin's direction, to see the fragile boy breaking down with each breath of air. "Why are you back so soon? You know, being Arthur's manservant, you have to learn not to slack off."

Merlin tried his best to smile as he walked to his room, passing Gaius slowly, each footstep creating a small burst of agony under his feet. "It seems today, I can rest for a while." Merlin's voice started to subtly break.

"Why is that?" Gaius asked him, his eyes still focused on his book that gleamed by candlelight.

Merlin tried his best not to sound as if he cared, as if this didn't hurt when he knew that it truly did. "Because...I got fired today."

Gaius' head shot up in response, as if his ears were deceiving him. He softly put his spectacles down on the large, old book. "What?" he whispered. Merlin felt shock in his voice. "What did you do, Merlin?"

Merlin gave a soft scoff. Why did people always suspect that it was his fault? "Nothing. I just think...I just think Arthur needs some time to see what is in front of him. Don't worry about it." Merlin crept up the small steps to his bedroom.

Gaius shook his head in worry. How could he not be concerned about the boy? But...but he knew he had no business in his affairs. He knew he had no right to bombard Merlin with questions. Gaius let out a heavy sigh. Gaius still had a right to know what was going on though. He slowly walked up the small steps to the cramped room and knocked twice.

"You can come in. You don't need to knock, you know." Gaius heard Merlin say. He smiled softly, as he realised how much Merlin trusted him. Creaking the door slowly opened, Gaius poked his head in. Merlin lay on his bed, a large book lay on his lap.

"Merlin?" Gaius called, sitting next to him on the bed. "Tell me what happened."

Merlin put down his book and looked at Gaius with his blue eyes. "Arthur fired me because he thought I was causing him harm." Merlin said bluntly. Gaius' face scrunched up in puzzlement.

"What? Harm?" he asked, his voice filled with confusion.

Merlin shrugged his shoulders. "I think it was pretty stupid reason to fire me too, but – but hey, what can I do, right?" Merlin saw the look of concern that spread across Gaius' face. "Don't be troubled by this. I can take it." Merlin's lips formed a small smile as he tried to reassure the man in front of him. A puff of air came out of Gaius' mouth. He couldn't bother Merlin anymore. He softly patted Merlin's hand to tell him he was there for him and walked out the bedroom, closing the door with a clank. He prayed in his heart that Merlin would be all right. Picking up his spectacles again, Gaius went back to reading the book, slowly flipping the pages.

Night had begun to fall and Merlin hoped that his sleep would never end – that he wouldn't have to wake up and face a different morning. A morning that he wished would never come.

- - - - -

A waft of sweet fragrance danced around Merlin's room, waking him up to a bright and early morning. The aroma was strong yet fragile and made Merlin's stomach grumble. Softly, Merlin's eyes cracked open to a warm light that bathed his room in luminous sparkle. Merlin couldn't help but follow the smell until he reached the dining table. He couldn't believe his eyes.

"What....what's this, Gaius?" he asked, pointing to the large amount of food on the table. Merlin's mouth watered as the smell drifted around him and the sight made his stomach grumble in hunger.

Gaius smiled. "I thought you might like some extra food this morning, that's all." he told him while eating his own breakfast. "Sit down and eat."

Merlin quickly gobbled up every single scrap of food in his bowl and grabbed more. "Thanks a lot, Gaius." Merlin smiled with a mouth that was full of food.

"Don't worry about it, Merlin. Just think of this as payment for your work." Gaius chuckled.

Merlin's head shot up at the news. "Work?" he questioned, food spluttering out. "What work?"

A small laugh managed to fill the air. "Oh, I forget to tell you. Now that you don't have a job, I've decided you can work for me and deliver the potions."

Merlin's mouth gaped open. He knew it. He knew there had to be a catch. There was always a catch when it came to Gaius. Merlin groaned in agony.

"Come on. Finish that mouthful and get to work." Gaius ordered, pushing a bag full of potions into Merlin's arms.

"All right, all right! I'm going!" Merlin cried as he walked out the door with the bag of medicine.

As the the door quietly creaked shut, Gaius let out a heavy sigh. "I just hope this gets his mind off things for a while." he whispered.

Walking quickly down the stairs, Merlin couldn't forget what Arthur had said the day before. _"You're my poison." _Those words...they were poison. They grasped at Merlin's mind and wouldn't let him forget them no matter what happened. Be it a new job or extra food on the table. Merlin couldn't forget the cold tone that came with it and the stare that told him to leave. How could he be Arthur's pain when all he has done was stay by Arthur's side and protect him? Merlin let out a small laugh as he walked down the corridors, his head in the clouds. A sudden thump with a tall figure led him back to reality. Merlin bent down and picked up the potions that had flown out of the small brown bag when he had collided with the stranger.

"I...I...I'm really sorry. I didn't see you there. I-I...Sorry." Merlin cried awkwardly keeping his eyes focused on the cold ground as a pink shade covered his cheeks. Long gentle fingers caught Merlin's visions, helping him to pick up the bottles he had dropped. "Oh, you don't have to help me with that-" Merlin froze. He regretted looking up at the person who was kind enough not to yell at him for being an idiot and helping him pick up the fallen items. Merlin's eyes filled with fear and his hands began to shake as he realised who he had bumped into. "Sire!" he said, shooting up from his position and bowing to the prince. Arthur got up from the stone floor, dusting his blue jacket and handing the bottles he had picked up to the shaking Merlin. Merlin looked like a lost bunny to Arthur. He felt like he had done something wrong just looking at him and a feeling of guilt wafted around Arthur – and he knew he had done nothing wrong. Arthur's heart began to hurt and a pang held his heart tight. It was too hard to face Merlin again. Merlin quickly grabbed what Arthur had handed him with trembling hands. "Tha...Th..Thank you, Sire." Merlin whispered stuffing them into his brown bag. Merlin was no longer Arthur's friend so it was wrong to be on a first name basis. But...why did it feel incorrect to address Arthur with a title? Bowing to Arthur again, Merlin rapidly dashed past Arthur hoping that he wouldn't need to spend another minute in that silence that tore at him so. Arthur gave a sigh and ran his fingers through his hair as he watched Merlin disappear into the distance. The moment was short and the only words that were spoken came from Merlin plus, seeing Merlin again made Arthur's heart feel like it was in a vice but...but Arthur couldn't help feel that the awkward silence with Merlin was...magical. Every moment with Merlin was magical. Arthur needed to forget about that though. Things were different now. He didn't need this to tear at him again. Arthur slowly walked back to his chambers, trying to forget that moment that burned itself into Arthur's heart.

Merlin stopped halfway to catch his breath. He panted heavily, his heart beating out of his chest. A bead of sweat managed to curve its way down to Merlin's chin, as it plopped itself on the floor. Merlin never knew he could run so fast in his entire life. Gaining his composure back, Merlin took a deep breath of the fresh air and straightened his back. Seeing Arthur again made him realise how much it hurt to be apart, even if it had only been 10 or so hours. He shouldn't have ran like that. He shouldn't have stumbled and stammered like that either. But he couldn't face Arthur. Not right now. Because his heart needed some time to heal. It needed some time to adapt and accept that Arthur wouldn't be around that much anymore. But Merlin still clung on to that strand of hope. That one day, Arthur will see that this venom that flows in his blood, corrupting his mind and heart, slowly destroying his body and tearing him to pieces...does not exist. That it is in fact, 'the dream that he has created in his mind'. That this poison...is a facade.


	3. Losing Faith

A/N; Thank you for everyone's lovely support and reviews! I really appreciate it! You guys keep me inspired. ;D This chapter might be a bit rushed so I apologise for that. If you find anything confusing, just ask and I'll be happy to explain.

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Merlin tried to steady his breathing as he stood in the castle corridors. He would have to deliver the potions quick or Gaius would be angry. But, he didn't get far. Because just as his heartbeat had begun to slow down, a sudden warmth wrapped itself on Merlin's shoulder. Surprised, Merlin turned around to meet dark brown eyes that sparkled back at him, accompanied with a loving smile.

"Gwen!" Merlin said, relief in his voice. "You scared me."

Gwen's face scrunched up with worry. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I just...Well, I wanted to know if you were okay. That's all." she informed him as her face softened and was replaced with care.

"Okay about what?" Merlin asked. He hoped it was not what he thought it would be. Anything but that.

"You know..." Gwen tried to hint. She really didn't want to say it. Nearly as much as Merlin not wanting to hear it. "About...him. How Arthur..." Gwen was lost for words.

"Fired me?" Merlin finished painfully. He tried to act nonchalant. He wasn't very good at it. Gwen nodded slightly in response. "How did you know, Gwen?"

Gwen fiddled with her hands as she kept her eyes focused on the ground. "Well, all the people in the kitchen are talking about it. The chefs, the cooks. And all the maids are as well. Not to mention, some knights are talking about it too. These things get around quite quickly, you-" Gwen stopped. She had said too much again. She could see the hurt that drifted in Merlin's eyes. The storm that rocked the seas. "I'm sorry! I didn't...I-"

Merlin gave a soft chuckle, trying to reassure Gwen he was all right. "Don't worry about it. It's not your fault. Don't apologise." A slight smile appeared on Gwen's face.

"Are you feeling well, though?" Gwen asked again as she nudged the shy Merlin playfully.

Merlin took a deep breath, trying to find the right words to describe this...feeling. "I'm taking it better than I would have expected. I think, in time, I'll manage to get my original job back." Merlin's eyes twinkled with a light hope.

Gwen's smile grew into a grin at the good news. "I'm glad! I was really worried. I really can't understand why Arthur would just suddenly do that."

Merlin tried his best to mirror that smile, he tried his best to stay strong. But his fragile voice had begun to break as his body had begun to shake. "I can...understand his actions." Merlin whispered, his hope fading slightly. He tried to stay clear of looking at Gwen because he knew she could read him like an open book. "I can understand. Maybe...I think maybe there's a chance he made the right decision. He was probably broken inside and I...I-I was the one who had shattered him." Merlin felt a crack appear in his heart when the words slipped out of his mouth. Now he was the one who had said far too much. But he didn't hear anything come from his friend's lips. Instead, he was engulfed in a warmth that calmed his mind. Warm arms blanketed him in care, easing his wounds.

"Never ever say that Merlin. Never." Gwen whispered in Merlin's ears, arms still wrapped around him. "You are not to blame. Don't ever say that. Don't ever think that. He is broken. But you were not the one that shattered him. He was. You will be the one who will put the pieces back together. Remember that."

Merlin couldn't help but grin at Gwen's words. They matched perfectly with the warmth surrounding him. He felt at ease. Like water had washed over him and calmed his body. "Th...Thanks Gwen. You're probably right." Merlin told her when she released him from her hold.

Gwen gave a small chuckle. "Of course I am. Now, I'd better go or Lady Morgana might be upset." Gwen gave another smile to Merlin before she dashed off. Merlin smiled as the small figure disappeared around the corner.

But...Merlin still couldn't help but feel that the small strand of hope he had been holding on to was slowly slipping from his grasp. Merlin couldn't help think that Arthur could be right. That Merlin was the one that was causing him agony and pain. Merlin was the toxic venom that flowed through Arthur's body. Merlin was the one that was corrupting Arthur's soul, heart and mind. And that Merlin was in denial because he couldn't live with the fact that he was the cause. The cause for breaking Arthur. ...He..he couldn't be though, could he? No, he was Arthur's antidote, not poison. He had to remember that. He couldn't lose hope. Not when hope was the faint light that guided him through the dark pits of destruction. He couldn't afford to lose faith. He had to grab onto it before it slipped from his hands completely. He had to stay strong.

- - - - -

"Arthur!" a call echoed in the hallways, voice filled with anger. Arthur gave a small sigh as he sat in his empty chamber. He just wished to be left alone. Just for a while. But that call broke into his mind and managed to draw his attention. "Arthur!" the voice called again, more fierce than before. Suddenly, the chamber doors flew open, so forceful that the doors shook from the power. And there, standing in front of Arthur, was a bloodshot eyed, distressed and clearly mad figure. It was Morgana.

"Haven't you ever heard of knocking?" Arthur mocked as he sat regally in his chair, a smirk on his face.

Ignoring Arthur, Morgana breathed heavily, the sound hard and unsteady. "Why? Why did you do that to Merlin?" Morgana ordered. Her voice had seemed to calm down.

Arthur's smirk faded slightly, his lips still curved. "Why what?" he asked her, making sure not to make her even more crazy than she already was.

"Don't play dumb with me Arthur. You know exactly what I'm talking about. Why did you tell him you no longer needed him to be your servant?" Morgana said, her face clearly filled with impatience.

Arthur gave a small scoff as he brushed a hand through his golden locks. "Because it's the truth, of course." The words tasted bitter to Arthur, as if they were untrue.

"Are you blind?" Morgana sneered. "It's obvious you need him. He is like your water." Arthur didn't reply. He couldn't. He didn't know what to say. He tried to focus his blue eyes on the strips of light that bathed his room. "Why can't you just admit it? Are you that stubborn?" Sympathy replaced the slight anger in Morgana's voice.

"There's...there's nothing to admit." Arthur whispered, slowly losing his confidence as Morgana dug in deeper.

A small laugh escaped Morgana. "Are you serious? Even I can see how you feel towards him -"

"How do you know?!" Arthur yelled out suddenly, jumping from his chair. He couldn't hold it in anymore. Morgana thought she knew everything when Arthur knew that she had no idea. "How do you know how I feel? How do you know the pain that runs through my body? The scars that won't go away, the hurt that lingers in my heart? How can you say that I am blind when you are the one that cannot see the agony that has burned itself in me? Don't talk like you know everything. You know nothing. You know nothing of what I am going through. I had no choice but to let him go. Because if I didn't, I would be sucked up completely by this ache. You know nothing of my situation." Arthur's blue eyes widened as his body tensed up. He couldn't take this. Why was he the villain?

Morgana seemed to back away slightly. Her breathing seemed to become steady as she cleared her mind. "You're right. I know nothing of what you are going through right now." Morgana's voice became soft. Arthur's face filled with shock at her agreement. She was not the type to back down. "But...I do know what you will go through if you don't give up this illusion. This illusion that it is _Merlin _who is the pain. Do what you want now. Keep believing in this ache if you want. But let me tell you that this pain you feel is nothing compared to the one you will feel when Merlin is completely consumed by the pain _you_ have caused _him_. Because then, you will never get him back." Morgana's emerald eyes glowed passionately. She had told Arthur what he needed to hear. She had told him the truth. Turning her back to him, Morgana gracefully left Arthur's chambers, her magnificent purple dress flowing behind her.

Arthur slumped back in his chairs. His head was spinning and wouldn't stop. His mind was filled again with thoughts that he could not get rid of. Morgana couldn't be right could she? Was Merlin really not the poison in him after all? Was having Merlin around him better than releasing him and letting him go? No, it couldn't be. Morgana was wrong. Arthur knew that. There was no way her words were true. He couldn't let Merlin back into his heart again. Not when it hadn't even repaired itself yet. Yes, he had to stay strong.

- - - - -

"Gaius?" Merlin softly called, peeping through the small wooden door. No answer came. Opening the door, Merlin quickly scanned the room. Gaius wasn't there. Merlin slowly walked in, throwing the now empty bag across the room and heading towards his bed. He laid himself down with a plop. He never knew delivering potions could be so much hard work. Merlin tightly closed his eyes, wishing for sleep to wash over him. It was still quite early, but Merlin needed something to take away his thoughts. He needed to run away, just for a while. And right now, sleep was Merlin's only escape route.


	4. Gaining Strength, Fighting Back

A/N; This chapter took a bit longer than the rest because of my laziness, so I'm very sorry! I'd like to thank everyone who took the time to read and review this fic. I'm very grateful! n__n

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Rays of light drifted around the small room. The soft noises of the people below could be heard echoing gently and calmly. Disturbed by the noise, Merlin cracked his eyes open as stains of dried tears seemed to cover his pale cheeks. Rubbing his eyes to get rid of the sleep, Merlin scanned his cramped bedroom. It was already morning – Merlin had slept through the night. His route to escape had already ended. Slowly, Merlin stretched awake, pain running through his mind and his head spinning. Letting out a tired sigh, Merlin forced his legs to drag him out of his room. Gaius probably had work for him to do again.

"Gaius?" Merlin called, voice somewhat hoarse, when he managed to get out of his bedroom. "Gaius?"

"Merlin! Hurry up and eat." Gaius ordered from the dining table pointing to a small bowl that was laid out on the wooden table. "You slept in again."

Merlin lazily sat down in his chair, giving a long yawn. "Do you have more work for me again?" Merlin asked, hoping that Gaius was kind enough to give him a day off.

Gaius' eyes lit up, his eyebrows high. "No." Gaius replied simply, a smile on his lips.

Merlin's mouth gaped open and his blue eyes widened with shock. Gaius never gave him days off. "Really?" Merlin cried hopefully.

The old man's smile grew wider. It was nice to see Merlin so happy, with what his been through and all. "Yes, really. I gave you all you needed to deliver for the week yesterday." Gaius informed him.

Merlin's eyebrows scrunched up. "You mean you made me do a week's worth of work in a day?" Merlin spluttered out, food flying everywhere.

"You've got the day off right? Don't complain." Gaius said, shaking his head. "Now, hurry and go. I need to whip up some more bottles of medicine." Gaius shooed Merlin.

Gobbling the food stuffed in his mouth, Merlin quickly finished off what was left in the bowl and walked to the exit. Merlin shot Gaius a big and goofy grin just as he neared the door. "Thanks, Gaius. I appreciate it."

Gaius couldn't help but smile back. It seemed that Merlin was getting a bit more confident now plus, he was smiling more. That was all Gaius wanted for the boy.

- - - - -

"Gwen!" Merlin called to the small figure in the castle corridors. "Gwen!"

Gwen turned around and an instant smile plastered itself on her face when she realised the source of the voice. "Merlin." she called back, waiting for him to catch up to her. "Are you delivering something?" she asked.

Merlin took in a deep breath to steady his breathing. "No. Gaius said I have the day off!" Merlin told her with pleasure.

"Oh?" Gwen replied, her smile drawing back a little. "That's nice."

Merlin gave a small laugh. "Why don't you seem happy about it?" Merlin joked when he read the expression on her face. A small pause filled the space between.

"Oh...Well..." Gwen muttered, breaking the silence.

Gwen wasn't going to give in easily was she? "What is it Gwen? You can tell me you know." Merlin informed her, voice tinted with worry.  
Gwen tried to focus her eyes on something else. She couldn't look into those sapphires. "I...It's just. I..." she stumbled.

"You can trust me. Just tell me. I'm not going to do anything." Merlin tried to coax. It couldn't be bad, could it?

Gwen kept her eyes to the floor. "I just thought this day off...It might have reminded you of, you know. Your lack of position and work. How you're not Arthur's manservant...anymore. That's all." Gwen hoped she hadn't offended Merlin.

Merlin's smile drooped down. "Oh." Merlin whispered. "I haven't thought about that..."

A sudden feel of guilt started to rise in Gwen's stomach. "I'm sorry!" Gwen called out. "I-I didn't mean to upset you."

"It's okay, Gwen. You don't have to keep on apologising." Merlin tried to tell her, reassuring her with a small smile.

Gwen's grin returned at the sight. "Well, I think this day off is a good thing."

Merlin gave a small chuckle in reply. "Really? Now you think it's a good thing?"

Gwen's face lit up, bright with enthusiasm. "Yes! Now, you have time to march back into Arthur's chambers and demand your job back." she exclaimed, her hands clamping Merlin's tightly.

She couldn't be serious, could she? Merlin couldn't face _him _again. She knew that.. "...Oh, Gwen. I don't – No, I couldn't. That's impossible. I won't." Merlin softly mumbled, disappointment spread across his face as well as disbelief.  
Gwen's grip tightened, not willing to let it go. "Yes you can! Merlin, you have to do it. Before it's too late. No more running away, right? You used to say that, didn't you?" Gwen yelled in the corridors. All eyes were on them.

Ignoring the foreign eyes, Merlin remembered the words. "No more running away." he repeated, lips twisted in a smile.

"That's it. Promise me you will tell Arthur, won't you?" the hopeful figure replied, her grip on Merlin becoming loose.

Merlin contemplated. It would be too much for him. He couldn't do it. "I...promise." Merlin said, regret instantly plaguing his mind as his words contradicted with his thoughts.

Gwen released Merlin from her hold. "Good. I have to go now, but keep your promise!" she told him, walking back down the corridors, lavender dress dancing behind her.

Yes, Merlin was going to keep his promise. He had to. Not just for Gwen but for himself too. He needed to talk to Arthur, not run away. He needed to fight back because Arthur wasn't just going to gain his sight back if nothing were to happen. Merlin needed to gain his strength back too. He needed to use the last bit of hope he had left, the last bit of light that still shone. Before he loses his faith completely. Merlin needed to try, just one more time before time runs out and he, as well as Arthur, are both consumed and enveloped in the darkness.

- - - - -

Merlin still remembered Arthur's schedule, so he knew that Arthur was probably in his chambers. That's why he was standing just outside of the room, just outside the wooden doors. ...Merlin couldn't do it. He couldn't face Arthur again. It was too hard. But...he had to try. He needed to. Trembling, Merlin knocked on the doors he thought he would never be able to enter again.

"Enter!" a voice yelled from the opposite side. It had to be Arthur. Merlin would know that voice anywhere. Slowly, Merlin pushed the door open and stepped in the cold room.

"Merlin?!" Arthur exclaimed in shock, jumping from his seat. "What do you want?"

Merlin instantly regretted what he had done. Arthur's tone was cold and harsh, not like the time when Arthur had called him his friend. Shaking, Merlin tried to gain strength. "I...I just..." he stumbled. He really couldn't do this.

"Spit it out." Arthur ordered, eyes piercing through the cowering person before him. "I don't have all day."

Merlin took in a deep breath. He needed to remain calm. "I'd like my...job back. As your manservant." Merlin managed to whisper, fear drifting through his voice.

Arthur scoffed at him. "...Are you serious? Haven't I told you before? I fired you Merlin. Just deal with it." Arthur ordered him, body tense at the sight of the person who had caused him pain.

Arthur's strict tone was foreign to Merlin's ears. "But..I-" he stuttered.

A laugh escaped Arthur's lips, cold and different. Not the heart warming sound that Merlin was used to. "But what? There's nothing to discuss. You were poison to me, Merlin. I had to extract that venom." Arthur said.

"That's not true!" Merlin cried, gaining confidence. Arthur was wrong. Merlin knew that. All he needed was for Arthur to know it. "I'm not harmful to you, Arthur! If you would just admit-"

"Admit what?!" Arthur yelled, echoing in the room. "My feelings? I've already told you. I don't feel that way about you! I never will. I don't love you like you think you do. You are the one that's in denial. Why can't you just leave it at that? It's the truth." Arthur's heart clenched up when the words slipped out. Why was the pain growing? He had said what he felt. It should have been fading away.

Drops of hurt started to from near Merlin's blue eyes at Arthur's words, dripping slowly down his cheeks. Merlin was shaking, trembling, but he couldn't lose strength. Not when this time, he needed it the most. To fight back. "...That's all right." Merlin informed Arthur, forcing himself to look at the man in the eye. Something flowed in Merlin's eyes that was indescribable. A burning fire glowed deep in those blue orbs. "'It's okay. ...Even if it's true, even if everything that you're saying is true – it's okay. Maybe I am your poison. Maybe I am causing you harm. Maybe I am the one that is corrupting you. But, even if you hate me, I'll never stop caring for you. I'll never stop feeling what I feel towards you and I will never think any less of you. Even if...even if you despise me from the bottom of your heart, I will always be there for you. I'll be there when you call me, I'll be there when you need someone to take the burden that you carry all alone on your shoulders, I'll be there for you to depend on and I'll be there for you to lean on even if you hate me. Arthur, nothing you say or do to me will make me run away from you or love you less. I'll be there for you when you need someone to talk to, when you need someone to guide you through the darkness and I'll be there to carry you. I will forever and always be there for you even if you won't do the same for me. I'll stand by you, Arthur. Despite the fact that you say you hate me. Despite the fact that you don't want me near you. And despite the fact that it is you who is...hurting me." Merlin's words came out fragile and shaky but they - they were the words that contained truth. The only words that had truth and care. The ones that were not deaf and were not blind.

Merlin looked at Arthur. Did he get through to him? "Arthur...?" Merlin called, frightened that he may have spoken far more than what was necessary and needed.

Arthur turned to face the other way. He couldn't look at Merlin. Not now. "Just go" Arthur demanded, voice hard and strong. He wouldn't get persuaded.

Merlin's heart sank. His words had landed on deaf ears. All his strength – it was all used up. He couldn't say anything else, and Merlin knew that. Turning away, Merlin walked out of the room, tears still pouring out. His hope was slowly slipping away with every second.

Hanging his head low, Arthur tried to get his mind of things. This...this was too much for him. Merlin's warmth and words were getting to his heart and breaking down the barrier. He needed a way to get over this. He needed to run away and escape before the walls around his heart break down completely because of Merlin. He needed to do something to move on. Arthur needed to fight back.


	5. Finding the Rainbow

A/N; This chapter's a bit longer so I hope you'll like it~. Thank you to everyone who took the time to read this and also review it! Your reviews make me smile and are the only reasons why I'm still continuing this fic. :)

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A surge of pain gripped at his heart, unwilling to let it go. Thoughts and thoughts piled up in his mind clouding his vision. He needed to get rid of this feeling eating at his heart – this feeling that was growing whenever he dared to even think about him, about Merlin. Arthur flopped himself onto his large bed, a hand to his head as he tried to regain his thoughts. Was Merlin trying to kill him? Why did he come back just when Arthur was finally prepared to forget about him? Merlin was getting to Arthur and he had to stop it. Arthur panted heavily as wispy clouds of warmth escaped his lips. He needed to fight back with all he had, just as Merlin had done. He needed to get rid of this feeling overflowing in his heart – and there was only one way Arthur could do that. Even if it meant hurting Merlin more than he already had.

- - - - -

Merlin cracked his eyes open to the new morning before him. Rubbing his eyes of sleep, Merlin sat up and slowly stretched out the ache in his limbs. It had seemed like years to Merlin since that day when actually, it had only been a night. All those words were engraved into Merlin's mind. Every single one of them.

"_You're the one that's in denial!" _Merlin remembered the words that came out of Arthur's mouth. They floated around his head reminding him of how he was such an idiot to have done something so rash.

Merlin gave out a heavy sigh, resting his head in his hands. "Maybe he's right. Maybe I am the one that is in denial." Merlin whispered the painful words to himself as he wiped away the single tear that ran down his cheek. Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, Merlin decided that moping about it all day wouldn't help. He would wait for Arthur to see, no matter how long it was. Choosing to sleep in a bit as really, he had no job, Merlin leaned back into his warm, narrow bed and closed his eyes. Suddenly, rough fabric scratched at Merlin's face, causing him to yelp in pain. Merlin peeled the fabric off irritated by the disturbance, and flickered his eyes open, only to be staring into the piercing eyes of an angry Gaius.

"Gaius!" Merlin exclaimed in shock, sitting up as fast as he could.

A small smile tugged on Gaius' mouth. "Sleeping in are we?" Gaius asked.

"No, of course not!" Merlin cried out, as he jumped out of bed to defend him claim.

Gaius' smile grew wider as he pointed to the fabric Merlin had just came in contact with, "Good. Then you can collect some herbs for me. Put the herbs in that bag."

A loud groan rang in the room. Merlin reluctantly picked up the bag, trying to buy time.

"Come on, hurry up." demanded Gaius, pushing Merlin out of his room, creating another groan in response.

Sluggishly, Merlin forced himself to stay awake as he dragged his body out of the room. Merlin hated collecting herbs. The thorns would scratch at his legs as he plucked them from the rich soil and there were always too many people around so using magic was not an option. Merlin took another look at Gaius as he neared the door. A big grin was plastered on his face as he waved good bye to the tired Merlin. This was sheer agony, but the faster Merlin collected herbs, the more time he would have to rest. It took all of Merlin's strength to bolt out that door and dash as fast as he could. Merlin couldn't help however, taking a small detour and passing Arthur's chambers. He wanted to make sure Arthur was doing all right and that he hadn't skipped breakfast. Merlin sneakily peeked through the crack of the door, slowing his breathing. There was no one in there. Had Arthur already left?

"May I ask, what it is that you might be doing?" a sudden velvet voice crept into Merlin's ear.

Merlin's eyes widened with fear as he felt his heart stop beating along with his breathing. His ears turned a light pink as a warm breath continuously danced on his neck, tickling his pale skin. Merlin couldn't turn around. He was stuck. He was frozen. His mind was filled with shock as he tried to tell himself to answer the voice.

"Pardon me, but I ask again, what is it that you are doing?" the voice called again, patience still visible in the tone.

Merlin tried to calm himself down, taking deep breaths to try and get a beating within his chest. "I...I...I was. I'm just cleaning the doors." Merlin nervously spat out, instant regret filled him at the excuse. Using the bag in his hand, Merlin scrubbed the doors, hoping that it looked believable. He was very glad he wasn't facing the owner of that smooth voice. Merlin was shaking all over.

A light chuckle came from behind Merlin. "Oh, I see. ...Would it be rude of me to ask for your name?" Again, the haunting voice rang in Merlin's ears.

Merlin prayed in his heart that this person wouldn't turn him in. Still quivering, Merlin told himself to remain calm. "I'm... Merlin." he whispered quietly, hoping nobody could hear.

"Merlin? How beautiful. My name is Lucius. It's a pleasure to meet you." the man replied, still quite close to Merlin's shaking body.

This man...he was quite courteous. Hopefully, he wouldn't turn Merlin in. He seemed very well mannered and the least Merlin could do was face him. Turning around slowly, Merlin gasped at the sight that unfolded in front of him, mouth handing open and ocean eyes wide with utter disbelief.

Lucius gave Merlin a charming smile. "Is something the matter?" he asked with great care, smile still gracing his face.

Merlin's words grasped at his throat. He couldn't say anything and he didn't know why. There was just something about this man that stopped Merlin in his tracks. Had they met before? Merlin was absolutely sure this was their first meeting. It had to be. He had never seen this man before today, nor heard his name. "I-I'm sorry, but do you work in the castle?" Merlin gathered enough composure to ask the simple question.

Lucius' emerald eyes sparkled back at Merlin. Something glowed deeply in those deep green eyes, Merlin knew it. "Why, yes. I was only hired yesterday, however, so I haven't had much time or chance to meet a lot of people." he smiled at a mesmerised and spaced out Merlin again. His voice had a somewhat delicate touch to it. "Oh, are you going some where, Merlin?" Lucius pointed to the bag Merlin clutched in his hands tightly. Merlin suddenly fell back into reality as he averted his eyes from the tall man in front of him.

"Oh, I completely forgot! I'm sorry, I've got to hurry or Gaius will kill me. Excuse me!" Merlin cried out as he ran as fast as he could down the corridors, receiving another laugh from Lucius. Merlin knew that there was something different about Lucius, he just didn't know what. But right now, he didn't have the time to find out.

- - - - -

A gentle wind rustled in the leaves and the light sound of the water rushing down the stream filled the air with serenity. Merlin gave out a tired sigh as he pulled out more herbs from the ground. Apparently, the people in the city said that they had run out of all the supplies Gaius had needed. Merlin was _very_ lucky indeed. Pulling up his sleeves, Merlin stuffed more and more vegetation in the rough bag. He still couldn't get that man out of his head. His image was carved right into Merlin and he was sure he wouldn't forget about him soon. Did the other people in Camelot know about him? Merlin panned the shallow woods to see if there was anyone he knew he could ask. He needed to get this off his mind before it ate at him slowly.

"Caelia!" Merlin cried out to the figure he had spotted in the stream of light. Merlin's eyes lit up as he darted to the maiden.

Caelia grinned as she saw Merlin run up the small hill to greet her. "Hello Merlin. Are you here as well? Lady Elaine asked me to-"

"No..time...to talk." Merlin panted as he shook his head. He was really doing a lot of exercise today. "I...ask you a question?"

A giggle filled the serene air. "All right Merlin. What is it?" she asked the puffed out person in front of her.

Taking a deep breath, Merlin chose his words carefully. "Do you...know Lucius?" he asked her.

Caelia's amused face instantly turned into one of adoration at the name. "Oh, yes! Isn't he amazing? He is so very nice and smart. He is quite handsome too. Couldn't you just drown in those green eyes? Oh, and that light brown hair is so absolutely radiant!" she rambled, words of love flowing dangerously out of her lips.

Merlin frantically waved his hands in the air, signally her to stop. "No, I mean, who _is_ he?" Merlin explained to the besotted girl. Merlin was still shocked at the fact that Lucius had already made his way into all of the maidens' hearts. He was quite fast.

Caelia's mouth hung open, clearly unimpressed and offended by Merlin's lack of knowledge. "Who is he? Only the most amazing person in the world! Oh, and Arthur's new manservant." Caelia blurted out.

Merlin froze in disbelief. "What? Arthur has a new manservant? That's impossible, Caelia. Don't joke." Merlin tried his best to laugh it off, tried his best to ignore it. He couldn't admit to himself that. Anything but that.

"I'm not joking. What's impossible is that you haven't heard of it. It's been flying across the castle! A lot of people know." she informed Merlin, unaware of the broken heart that dangled in Merlin's chest.

Merlin shook his head. There was no way. It couldn't be. He won't believe it. He couldn't believe it. "Cae...Caelia, I...Sorry, I need to go." Merlin was shocked he had the strength to say anything at that moment. This time, he wouldn't be able to hold his tears in. He had to get away. Caelia observed Merlin as he disappeared into the distance, still confused why Merlin seemed upset.

Merlin ran. He ran as fast as he could, as fast as his legs could carry him. He needed to escape this hurt. He needed to escape this feeling. Was it true? Did Arthur already forget about Merlin? Streams of tears that seemed endless broke through and carried away Merlin's hopes as they dropped down his face. Merlin wanted to escape, he wanted to create a new world – just for him. A world where he could go, when his heart had broken down and his hope had faded away. Merlin wanted to believe that Arthur still cared, but how was that possible when his actions tear at Merlin's heart? Merlin runs. He runs for two reasons. To run away from the darkness that is slowly consuming him, chasing after him. The darkness that slowly creeps up and envelops his body. He runs so that he may be able to see the light that is ahead. But now, Merlin sees no more light, no more hope. But he still runs. Because even though there is no more light, the darkness is still around him. The darkness wants to eat him alive. The darkness is still there, waiting for Merlin to lose faith entirely and stop escaping so that it may consume the prey that it wants so eagerly. But Merlin, he won't stop running. Not even when he is battered and bruised. Because when that darkness finally grabs at his heart, he will never be able to get it back.

Merlin ran. He ran to the small river that flowed near the shallow woods. He needed to pick the pieces up. The ones that laid on the floor after being broken. Sitting by the edge of the river, Merlin's tears continued to shed. They wouldn't stop and he knew why. He knew but his heart didn't believe. Arthur wasn't capable of so much...pain.

"Merlin!" he heard someone call out to him. Wiping away his lost hope, Merlin looked up to the source of the voice. It was _him_. The man placed himself next to Merlin, a bucket in his hands. He was probably here to collect fresh water from the river. "What is the matter, Merlin? Are you feeling well?" he asked, care evident in his voice. His warm fingers brushed away the remaining tears that scarred Merlin's pale cheeks. Merlin turned his head. How could he look at him? This man...who had taken his job?

"I'm fine, Lucius. Don't worry." Merlin tried his best to be friendly. It wasn't Lucius fault. He couldn't take it all out on him.

Lucius' face filled with doubt. He knew Merlin was lying, after all, Merlin was a bad liar. But he had to respect Merlin, even when he knew that Merlin wasn't honest with him. Lucius gave Merlin his best smile. "Merlin." he called soothingly, hoping to ease Merlin's mind.

Merlin glanced at him. Lucius' light brown hair glistened in the rays of sunlight. It looked like gold to Merlin. Maybe Caelia was right – Lucius' hair was radiant. "...Yes?" Merlin managed to force himself to say, voice shaking slightly.

"There is a story that I was told when I was young. Would you let me tell it to you?" Lucius asked politely to the broken figure.

Merlin didn't know where he was going with this. Slowly and unsure, Merlin gave a small nod.

A big grin fell on Lucius' face. Merlin really wanted to listen to him. Clearing his throat, Lucius tried his best to remember the story accurately. "There was once a great storm that ravished the land. It destroyed buildings, destroyed the earth and it destroyed the people. This storm didn't last a day. It lasted near a week, dampening spirits and faith. But...Eventually, the storm stopped. There was no more harsh rain or wind. In replace was a cool breeze and...a beautiful band of colour that graced the clear skies. This band of light and hope flowed in the blue above. This rainbow – it didn't restore the buildings. Nor did it shape the lands to their original shape. But this rainbow did better than that. It restored the determination of the people. It gave them their hope back and their faith. It told them that sometimes, you can feel like giving up. You can feel broken and feel like you've lost everything. But there will always be a 'rainbow'. Someday, one day, there will be a time when we can smile with all our heart, despite the storm that has lashed at us." Lucius' smile grew brighter, his head held high as he looked at the sky above.

Merlin couldn't help but smile with him. A genuine smile. "...Lucius. Thank you." Merlin said. Lucius was just so nice to him. Even though they had only met today. That was probably what was lurking in those emerald eyes of his – kindness.

Lucius turned his head to Merlin, that grin still on his lips. "It's all right, Merlin. As long as you feel better." Shooting up from his position, he filled the bucket in his hands with fresh water. "Oh, I apologise for taking up your time. Please forgive me." Lucius suddenly realised. Bowing to Merlin, Lucius hurriedly walked back to Camelot's castle, balancing the heavy bucket of crystalline water.

Merlin's smile grew wider as he watched the man in front of him walk away. Yes, Lucius was right. There will always be a 'rainbow'. Merlin was sure of it. He just needed to wait.


End file.
